every life in color
by BiblioMatsuri
Summary: We just want to live. /RWBY oneshot collection. Now posted - let let go (Yang). The Golden Age: the fields of gold (Jaune, Pyrrha) / through the snow (Jaune, the world).
1. let let go

Your meeting with Blake could have gone worse. Maybe.

Maybe if the ground crumbled under you _both_ or you got eaten by a Grimm or something else ridiculous. Well, maybe the whole "you're gonna be a guilt-tripping paranoid jackass and vanish off into the clear blue at the worst possible moment 'cause _that's how you roll_ " thing might have a few things to do with the lingering awkward, but _come on_. Sorries can't fix anything but you _know_ pretending nothing's there isn't working, and Blake's already apologized, and you've already yelled yourself hoarse at her in public. The embarrassment threshold has not so much been crossed repeatedly as trampled into dust by now.

Except Blake? Is Blake, is made of sass and hangups and that stupid fucking guilt complex and 'blah-blah if I stay with you my psycho ex will kill you' _GUESS WHAT BUDDY HE ALREADY SLICED MY FUCKING ARM OFF. MY ARM. I'm a brawler! I'm dead weight without functioning limbs, and if that bullshit fuckboy didn't kill me when I was a bedridden loaf of sad and useless he sure as fuck isn't pulling that off now. GUESS WHO'S NOT A QUITTER!_

Okay, maybe _some_ of the lingering awkward was from you yelling at Blake all the time, but _she_ was the one who kept dragging The Fuckwad into it. It's not about her evil ex, it's about her chickening out and running away and dammit-

"This is pointless-"

You yell. Blake says. And it's all the same thing, almost, cadence and stridence not quite an exact match. Your and Blake's weak spots always matched up a little too well, not spot-on but so well, and when you told her the things you'd always wanted to hear (from your mother who was never there, from Ruby who was too young to take care of you, from Mom who was dead and gone and silent) she always opened towards you.

Blake is all shadows and nightmare-mysteries, but even moonflowers need sunlight sometimes. And she was always so lonely, is lonely, and you never really realized that half of that was her pushing people away and it doesn't matter that you understand that – that fear deep in your bones and your mixed-up bloodlines that you're wrong, that you're a plague and no one should want you anyway and NO. No, no, fuck no with a cherry on top no.

And there _right there_ is the problem. Blake hasn't said no yet. Oh, she's still here, she hasn't gone and vaulted out a window and into the night sky again yet, but how long is that gonna last? No, you don't believe that Blake is here to stay. You will never believe it, because leave me once shame on you but leave me twice shame on me, and you. You are so sick and fucking tired of chasing after mystery women who will never love you back. You're done, okay, you're through. You and Blake are fucking through. No amount of sad-puppy-eyes from Ruby or disapproving-duchess-faces from Weiss can change the fact that Blake will always run away.

You don't care anymore that she's crying. Your heart is what got you into this. Your heart, your caring about people because of course the people you love are worth loving, it was never even a question, is just gonna get ripped out over and over and over until there's nothing left so that's it. You're done. You've got Ruby, sort of, as long as precious Weiss or what's left of JNPR don't come begging for her to follow them into hell again; you've got your dad, for all that's worth when he's so busy cleaning up the Grimm situation he couldn't even send a message until a month past your birthday; and there's Weiss, who says she's still your teammate and that she didn't want to go back to Atlas with her dad but it's not like she's got proof; and Qrow; and everyone else you have ever let even the tiniest bit into your heart and you are not letting Blake get under your skin again ever again. You don't have enough skin to spare now.

Blake is too proud to beg on her knees, and you're not nearly enough of a fuckup to make her _._ You almost wish you were.


	2. The Golden Age (1): the fields of gold

A/N: All titles from Woodkid's "The Golden Age"

* * *

 **the fields of gold**

Every day you go to the rooftop, and you fight.

Well, _you_ fight. Pyrrha politely kicks your ass, and you did not know it was possible for anyone to do that, but that's Pyrrha for you. Always exceeding expectations.

Not- not that you have expectations for her, heck no. One thing your parents agree on, is that skill is one part talent to ninety-nine parts hard work. If that's the case (and it's looking more like it every day) then Pyrrha has to have been constantly working her butt off since she was a kid to get this good.

There are a lot of really good students in your year! (You are not one of them. You're trying, but you're just so far behind it's gonna take all your time here at Beacon to catch up at this rate.) But Pyrrha stands out so much, because she's good at everything. She's the top scorer in every class (except when Weiss is). She volunteers answers in class (even Professor Port's boring lectures) and gets all her answers right. And obviously she kicks butt at combat and tactics. Except when she kind of stinks at all the other parts of being a student, mostly the "having fun" parts.

Well, no, she doesn't _stink_. (Except right after a spar, but everyone smells like they just fell out of a barn after combat training. Adrenaline sweat is pretty potent, and Aura just kind of makes it easier to do more work, it doesn't mean you can get away with not trying.) She just... doesn't quite get how to deal with people, outside of being The Invincible Girl.

Like, she can deal with surprise cameramen (the paparazzi are _insane_ and you're kinda glad you're not famous yet) and business-type people (lawyers terrify you, this is not a joke) and even hordes of screaming fans (one horde, that you know of, and apparently the trick is to politely smile and wave and disappear when they're not looking) but she has no idea what to do with Nora's ambush-hugs of love and pain, or Ren's supportive nods of camaraderie, or even just going out with friends to do something that's not _more_ training. And you _are_ friends, considering she agreed to keep the-whole-fake-transcript-thing secret from the actual authorities for you. Pyrrha let you take your own fall, but she's not gonna be the one to push you.

And Pyrrha is just so... so nice. And smart, and kind of stealth-sarcastic, and weirdly awkward about the most mundane things.

Like she'll offer to buy dinner for the whole team, and usually you all say yes because you didn't have much allowance saved up when you ran away from home (and apparently Ren and Nora don't have a huge amount of cash either) but as soon as Nora tries to give her a thank-you hug (of pain) she just locks up.

So you just... you try your best to be there when she needs someone to be there. You're her team leader, you _have_ to be there for her, but it's not just that! You work with Pyrrha in class because you have to, she's your partner and your teammate and technically sort-of your subordinate and you _can't_ afford to muck this up, but you really do want this to work.

You've never had a friend you could honestly trust with your life before, and it's frightening. You're absolutely terrified in the best way possible, like that moment you were in freefall and you were sure you were going to die and then you weren't. Pyrrha saved you, Pyrrha is still saving you, and you can't imagine a situation where she'd ever need you to save her. You don't want to, because that would mean Pyrrha was in deadly danger, and anything that could almost-kill Pyrrha would squish you. Pyrrha's definitely the knight in your partnership, but you know what? That suits you fine. You'll just have to be the brilliant strategist who comes up with a genius plan to get everyone home, instead.

...ow. You should _not_ get distracted by dreams of glory during training time. That's a great way to reintroduce your face to the ground, again. Or the shaft of Pyrrha's weapon. ...wait, that came out wrong, didn't it?

She is smiling down at you. In the sunset, she glows like fire, like a candle in the dark.

Your hands are blistered again, your bruises have bruises, and you're sure you'll never get all that rooftop grit out of your armor.

Pyrrha pulls you up, and you smile back.

The sun sinks below the horizon.


	3. The Golden Age (2): through the snow

A/N: All titles from Woodkid's "The Golden Age"

* * *

 **through the snow**

You'll never be able to go back.

Honestly, you're not sure if it's even still there. The dorms are overrun with Grimm now, and they never leave a place standing unless they've dug in so thoroughly it's just a big building-shaped deathtrap. Grimm behavior is weirdly predictable once you get into the mindset of "hate everything about people ever."

You remember sitting on the roof after one or another one of your daily training (getting-your-butt-kicked-again) sessions with Pyrrha, waiting for your Aura to patch you up (because it's not like you actually landed a hit on her more than once in a never) and trading stories about anything and everything but your childhoods. So a lot of those stories wound up being about Beacon, about the professors' many quirks and Nora's antics and Ren's Ren-ness. You were so proud of your great-grandfather's memorial standing right in the middle of Beacon, so of course you bragged about that.

You never told her about talking to it, spilling all your fears to your ancestor's stone face like it was an actual person who might care about your problems. You knew you were being silly, but why care about looking crazy when you're in a school for Huntsmen and Huntresses? Everyone knows that if you fight Grimm for long enough, you go a little bit cuckoo.

You're figuring out now that that was code for "live long enough to fight more Grimm (because they will never end)" plus not having any friends still alive to share the burden.

You grew up in a backcountry town as an ordinary, unremarkable kid. Every kid you know grew up learning the same kinds of lessons, like: Go to prayers at least once a week, if you can, and on the _big_ holidays no matter what (unless you are literally in the hospital). Be kind to your neighbors and say hi to strangers, but don't talk to outsiders if you can help it. If someone stabs you in the back, you stab them in the front from far enough away that they can't backstab you again.

Always help your family. Always keep your word.

And whatever you do, never say anything rude to a lady behind her back. You always ought to say it to her face, and take whatever you get for it.

With that in mind, Cinder can go to the deepest frozen pits of hell and stay there 'til the moon heals itself.

You can't go back, even if someone figures out how to perma-kill that darn dragon and clear the school of all the other Grimm. Even if the ruins are somehow rebuilt, or at least cleared away so they don't fall on someone's head when they get stuck exploring the place, like you had to go through those stone ruins on initiation day. Or like Oobleck explores creepy Grimm-infested ruins for fun, if Ruby's stories are anything to go by. It's nice that she wants to keep the memory of her team alive, but you're getting kind of tired of the scheme-fests with Nora. You had seven sisters, you know what girl-plotting looks like and _that is it_.

You definitely aren't planning to ditch the girls and take off with Ren at the next fork in the road in search of some peace and quiet. (You _would_ be, but you're pretty sure leaving Ruby and Nora alone in Grimm-infested woods is a great way to get a forest fire started, and you really don't want to spend today trying to outrun a natural disaster on top of everything else.)

You're grateful for your friends, though. They... they can't _ground_ you, exactly. You're still on your hands and knees screaming at nothing, somewhere in your head. It's harder than you'd ever thought it would be to pick yourself up this time, mostly because you never thought you'd be the one stuck mourning her. It was always you dying, in your nightmares, in the quiet times before the sun got up when it was just you and the anchor-memory of how weak you really are.

But between Ruby clinging to you and Nora and Ren like the loneliest little barnacle in the sea, and Nora and Ren practically gluing themselves to you since the- since you- well, just since, you're so busy trying to keep Nora from giving all your positions away with her yelling or Ren from poisoning everyone with his so-called cooking (which actually isn't terrible, but those health drinks are just... no.) or Ruby from running off after every half-cocked lead that dumps itself into your laps like an ode to over-convenience to literally everything else that can go wrong...

You're consistently and constantly busy these days, so much so that when you see a tattered old poster of Pyrrha hanging on a half-wrecked wall in one of the newer ghost towns, you only _think_ about kicking the wall down for no reason. Besides, like Nora said, it's a pointless waste of Aura – better to save it for killing Grimm.

You're still kind of upset (slowly tearing yourself apart with grief and guilt and shame) but you've all got jobs to do.

You, you your-unremarkable-self, are alive and Pyrrha is not. You (you and all your remaining friends, however few) are going to find a way to kill Cinder for real.

And if you somehow manage to live through this? Well, you've got plans. They're not great plans, or even good ones. Maybe someday, after Cinder's dead and gone and there is _nothing_ left of her but bad memories, you'll go back to what's left of Beacon. Never mind the school, that's past saving, but it's just not safe to have that many strong Grimm that deep in one of the Kingdoms.

Maybe there's something worth salvaging in those ruins, deep under the school where Headmaster Ozpin hid all the real secrets. Maybe there'll even be something left of your great-grandfather's statue. Maybe, maybe. Just maybe.

Maybe your old dorm building will be standing, still. You know it's not likely (or even possible) but still, you miss it.

Right now, with Vale withering and the Kingdoms all desperate not to be the first to fall, because of course pride and image matter _now_ – this is Cinder's "invincible" winning streak. When that ends, all the stories and all the statues are going to be about what people _want_ to remember.

Someday, the world will have Pyrrha again. She'll be a tragedy and a warning, a glory of self-sacrifice for new generations of Huntsmen to aspire to. The world can _have_ the story of Pyrrha.

You'd rather be back on that rooftop, bruised and humble with the truth of her.

You're here, so you get up and keep going.


End file.
